It is exactly 3 weeks until Angelina's Fontan surgery. Yes my anxiety is slowly starting to creep up. Thoughts like what will she think, what will she feel when she first wakes up from surgery? Betrayal? Obviously pain, but will she look at me and wonder why I let this happen? Will that pain show straight through her eyes? How will she do? I can't even picture her intubated at this point. She's my happy little girl, who loves to get all riled up and crazy. Will she look at me like I'm crazy when we first try to get her to walk post operatively? How I wish I could take all this burden and pain upon myself.
I do try to think positive, I don't think about it going wrong. I just worry about how tough it will be on her. She's so unsuspecting. She's busy trying to walk to me whenever she can. She's chunked up, weighing 22 whole pounds and measuring 30 inches! She's eating well, but just to make sure she has enough reserve for her surgery, we started giving her GT boluses at night per her GI doc.
She's trying to talk more. She actually tries to say Marcelina! And of course she's doing good with her signing.
We went to the Craniofacial clinic yesterday. I always find those appointments to be a bit...annoying? I like the staff, I know they mean well and are only trying to help. But I leave feeling like, why did I just come pay $20 so you can tell me she's delayed? Honestly, pay me $20 and I can tell you she is behind....but she has also come a long way. She's smart and happy, loving and playful. They do acknowledge she's making progress. Yet part of me finds it pointless to sit there and wait 2 hours to be seen and then have her evaluated once she's tired & fussy. I wish there was a different way of doing these evaluations.
Here she is cracking up while her brother tries to keep her entertained at the doctors office
Silly brother with Angelina's pants on his head pretending to be a puppy for Angelina.
Thanks for checking in on us. Have a Happy Tuesday!
10 comments:
Oh my gosh it is getting so close. I am praying with all that I have that everything goes so smoothly. I can only imagine how you must feel. Wishing it were you instead of your child. But Angelina is an amazing child, and I just know she will handle this with grace.
I will be praying until the day of surgery and then i will be on double time that day and after until she is home and well.
Love to all!
Rachel
I know exactly what you mean about the anxiety of the OHS coming up. With Vaeh's last one, I had those same thoughts. Because they premedicated her prior to the surgery, it made it much easier, & once she was extubated, as long as I was within eyesight she was fine. I'm sure Angelina will be just fine. She's young enough yet that she'll forget it quite quickly:0)
Know that we're keeping you in our prayers! I have the date on my calendar!
YIKES!
I keep forgetting that her surgery is coming up...she doesn't even look like she needs surgery!
and delayed...seriously...I'd hate to hear them tell me about Isaac.
Angelina is doing SO GOOD developmentally...how far off can she be anyway??
Hug those kiddos tight!
Tell Alex that he makes a handsome little puppy!
kathy
She is too cute Ana. I love her hair, and he smile. I will be praying for you. Good luck.
Oh I wish I could fast forward to after the surgery. The anticipation and waiting are the worst!
Her brother is so cute trying to entertain her - how sweet!
time is flying fast! we are always thinking of you guys. i also hate those child development appts, i always leave feeling like we don't do enough for orion because they talk about how delayed he is. blah! those evaluations never tell much anyway, it's totally out of the child's familiar enviroment, the evaluators are strangers, etc, i can go on and on. anyway!
keep on truckin' angelina! we hope she starts walking soon so she can pick up right where she left off when she returns home! she will do great!
Hi,
I know it is scary waiting for the heart surgery. We too felt like we were betraying our little girl. She was so full of life and energy. I am hoping that like Madison, Angelina will fly through this surgery and surprise you all. She is strong and healthy and full of life. She has lots of things going for her to make a quick recovery!
We will be praying for you all.
Pam and Madison
www.caringbridge.org/visit/madison
I know your anxiety tooo well. Yucky. It's tough anticipating a big surgery like this. That has always been the worst part of it for me. When I look back, the parts after that paled in comparison to the worry and anxiety I felt before it even happened. Just keep reminding yourself that you are doing what is right for your little girl. She loves and trusts you, so she will know that, too. She will do just great.
Sending you lots of anti-worry prayers!! xoxoxo
I've been continuously reading your blog lately. It is amazing to see that we too are going through the same difficulties just as Angelina. Lilly has GERD, and several developmental difficulties. This is all that we are aware of so far, but I know that it will be a long road ahead of us. I started crying when I read about how to tell your daughter because I was just talking about that the other day. I know it must be hard. I've been thinking about your family every day. Lilly, me and her father are praying for you guys. I have lots of questions for you too.
Michelle and Lilly, Greenville, SC
I've been thinking about you guys so much lately. I know surgery is getting closer but just try to concentrate on having a wonderful Christmas. You will be home with all your babies! :)
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